Nige’s Birthday

Awesome night last night. It was Nige’s birthday on Sunday. Unfortunately, we couldn’t do anything on that day because Nige was fixing the door on his aunty Barbara’s airing cupboard (it took him 5 hours, and she only made him 2 cups of tea. that’s such an unfair favour hours/cuppa ratio).

We met at Claire Jones’ house (halfway between both our houses (Nige has still got a massive crush on Claire, he wont talk about it though, he just goes red every time her name is mentioned). When I got there Nige was there waiting.

“Hi” I said.

“Alright?” was Nige’ response.

With the familiarities out of the way we headed for the pub. On the way we played “golf vs. snooker stars” where we have to pick either golf or snooker player and talk our way through a fight between them using their tools of their trade. I thought I had Nige’ John Virgo dead when I used Rory McElroy to stick golf tees in his eyes but Nige returned with Virgo breaking a spider bridge in half and impaling it through McElroy’s lungs. Well played.

We got to the pub in 7 minutes 51 seconds (a new personal best (chuffed)) Nige went to the bar.

“Whoa, Nige, hold them horses (not literally) I said “it’s your birthday. I want to get you a pint.”

He sat down in our usual table (next to Mr. Griffiths (nearly dead). I returned to the table with 2 IPA’s AND 2 shots.

“What are those?” asked Nige full of surprise.

“Sourz” I said “get them down you.”

“But it’s Monday” Nige interjected.

“Yeah but it’s your bloody (pardon my French, sometimes I can be quite forceful) birthday.”

“Nutter” was the only response Nige could offer. We sat there drinking heavily for the next 3 hours. During our sesh (drinking session) we talked about these things;

Threshing machines
Alex Jones (obviously)
Putting on socks method
His Aunty Barbara’s fence
Stingy nettles
Roast potatoes (crispiness)
Alex Jones (again)
Phantom of the Opera
B and Q
Grandfather clocks

So, a varied list. After drinking (heavily) we staggered to the chippy. On the way Nige pretended to be Gary Lineker. He was doing punditry on the way I was walking. He was saying things like “the way the lad Rob took that pavement curb was simply majestic” and “he showed a distinct lack of pace going up constitution hill but his finesse on the flat is unsurpassed this season”.

I was laughing my head off. He is so good with voices. He was spot on most of the times but now and then he did sound more like Richard Madeley than Lineker (I blame the drink).

We got to the chippy; Nige ordered a large sausage, chips and a can of Vimto. I ordered a large sausage, chips and a can of Vimto. We sat on the bench outside and began our midnight feast (10:45pm). We ate in silence. It’s brilliant that we can share comfortable silences together. It’s important.

Nige thanked me for “an awesome night” and we high fived and went home. Nige is such a brilliant friend. I am glad he had a great birthday and I hope he has another 1000 (in reality it will be more like 42) birthdays.

Happy birthday my BFF (best flipping friend).