Awesome night on Thursday. Nigel (Nige to his friends) came over. He was a bit late. He was on the phone to his aunty Barbara. He said she was telling him about her boils. He really is a devoted nephew. Anyway when he arrived he was carrying his usual boys night in, four cans of Guinness. I put them straight in the fridge next to the four I have already bought (and chilled) myself.
As we are watching the One Show, we were in awe about a segment about a clockmaker from Cornwall, Nige drops a bombshell (not literally) “Rob, I’m going out with Claire Jones (the hairdresser) on Saturday” “OMG” I said (I actually used the letters OMG, Nige knows what this means. I told him three weeks ago what it meant).
“Did you finally ask her?” I inquired like Colombo. “No” responded Nige “she asked me”.
“OMFG” (oh my flipping God (I had to explain this one to Nige, he had never heard this one before, but he is one hell of a fast learner)huge brain))).
“How did this happen” I asked like Miss Marple “well, I was having my hair cut (for the third week in a row(honestly he’s had more hair cuts than Harry Styles (or Hairy Styles as Nige often hilariously calls him)) and she just asked if I would like to go to Nandos with her on Sunday night. I said “yes” and that was it”.
I was in shock (not literally). As we watched the rest of the one show I asked “so, Nige, who would you fancy more out of Alex Jones or Claire Jones ” he said “Alex Jones, obviously ” but there was definitely a slight pause. I smelled love.
After the wonderful The One Show (honestly that programme goes from strength to strength, it’s on for an hour but it literally (not literally) seems like 48 minutes)). We started the drinking. When we start drinking things can go a bit mental. Tonight was no exception.
We played a game of “Lineker’s shoes” the premise of the game was to give each other an event to which Gary Lineker might attend and guess what kind of footwear he would wear. Nige gave me the first scenario “funeral” he offered. With some careful thought (funerals are a touchy subject) I went with black slip ons. Nige overruled me (and quite rightly) with “black brogues”.
Nige is so good at games. Nige eventually won the game after he correctly guessed that Lineker would probably wear a pair of waterproof Karimor hiking boots to a camping trip to the cotswolds. After we played that we chatted and drank. Here is a list of our conversations.
The ever changing lips of Ronnie off Eastenders
Imperial /metric measurements
What colour curtains Jeremy Corbyn has in his living room
As you can see, we are quite broad on our subject matter.
After we finished our cans (hiccup(only joking)) we headed up the chippy. Nige ordered a Cornish pasty and chips and a can of vimto. I ordered a Cornish pasty and chips and a can of Vimto. We sat on the bench and ate our feast. “the bits at the end of my pasty are a bit hard ” Nige said. “mine isn’t ” I retorted. We high fived. I said “good luck with your date on Sunday, mate” “cheers Rob, that means a lot ” he said.
I went home and thought about Nige and his date with Claire Jones. If she hurts Nige (emotionally (or physically)) in any way, I will never recommend her salon to anyone again. Nige is such a top bloke he deserves a top lady.